How to Run Better 1:1s
Your 1:1s are either building an ownership culture or a dependency culture. Most directors are accidentally doing the latter.
Here’s what that looks like: It’s 3 PM on Thursday. You’re rushing into another 1:1 with your team member. You haven’t looked at your notes from last time. There’s no real agenda. And honestly, you’re hoping they’ll keep it short because you have three more meetings after this.
Twenty minutes later, you walk away knowing they’re “busy” and “things are going well.” But you have no idea if they’re actually engaged, struggling with anything meaningful, or even thinking about staying with the company long-term.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. And the problem isn’t that you don’t value 1:1s. The problem is that you’re approaching them like administrative tasks instead of leadership opportunities.
That’s why I created my FREE 1:1 Transformation Guide, a practical framework for turning these meetings into the development tool they should be.
Let me show you what’s going wrong and how to fix it.
Why Your 1:1s Are Building a Culture of Dependency
In a culture of control, 1:1s are where you tell people what to do. In a culture of ownership, 1:1s are where you develop their judgment.
Most directors are running control-culture 1:1s without realizing it. Here’s what that looks like in practice:
You control the entire conversation. Your team member sits there waiting for their turn to speak. You do 70% of the talking, turning them into a passive listener instead of an engaged participant. The agenda, if you even have one, jumps around based on whatever fire needs putting out that week. Most of the time is spent reviewing completed tasks rather than planning ahead or coaching.
When 1:1s run this way, they feel transactional. Nobody gets energized. Real development doesn’t happen. And the relationship between you and your team members stays surface level.
If this pattern keeps repeating, eventually the 1:1s stop happening altogether. You start canceling them when things get busy, moving them around on the calendar, or cutting them short. And that sends the clearest message of all: your team member’s development isn’t actually a priority.
The result? Your team learns to wait for you. They bring you problems instead of solutions. They ask for permission instead of making decisions. They depend on you because that’s what you’ve trained them to do.
The Three Shifts That Turn 1:1s Into Ownership Conversations
You don’t need a complete overhaul to fix this. You need three strategic shifts that change the dynamic immediately.
Shift 1: From your agenda to their agenda
Stop walking into 1:1s with your list of questions and status checks. Let your team member shape what gets discussed. Set up a shared document — Google Docs, Notion, OneNote, whatever works — where both of you can add agenda items throughout the week.
When they own the agenda, they start thinking ahead about what they need from you. They surface challenges early instead of waiting for you to ask. And they take responsibility for making the meeting productive.
This is the first step in shifting ownership. You’re no longer the sole driver of the conversation. You’re creating space for them to lead.
Shift 2: From status updates to development conversations
A good 1:1 doesn’t just cover what got done. It addresses what’s going well, what’s challenging, and what the person is learning. It’s where you coach them through obstacles instead of just tracking progress.
Ask better questions: What’s the biggest challenge you’re trying to solve right now? How are you working to overcome it? What support do you need from me? What recent wins would you like to highlight?
These questions invite reflection and ownership. They shift the conversation from task management to capability building. And that’s where real development happens.
Shift 3: From you talking to them thinking
If you’re doing most of the talking, you’re doing it wrong. Your job in a 1:1 isn’t to provide all the answers. Your job is to ask the questions that help them find the answers themselves.
This requires you to get comfortable with silence. When you ask a good question, don’t fill the silence if they pause to think. Let them sit with it. That silence is them doing the work you want them to do, actually thinking through the problem instead of waiting for you to solve it.
Monitor the talking ratio. If you’re dominating the conversation, pull back. Ask more. Talk less. This is one of the hardest shifts for most directors, but it’s also one of the most powerful.
The full framework I use with my clients, including a rolling agenda template, coaching question bank, and accountability tracker, is in the FREE 1:1 Transformation Guide. It’s designed to help you implement these shifts starting this week.
One Thing You Can Do Before Your Next 1:1
Here’s a single action you can take right now: before your next 1:1, send your team member a message asking them to add three things to the agenda: one win from the past week, one challenge they’re working through, and one question they have for you.
That’s it. That one move shifts the dynamic. They’re no longer showing up passively. They’re coming prepared with what they need from you. And you’re creating the expectation that this is their meeting, not just yours.
Then, when you walk into the 1:1, start with their agenda. Ask them to walk you through their win, their challenge, and their question. Resist the urge to jump in with answers. Coach them through it.
Watch what happens. That small shift will change the entire tone of the conversation.
1:1s Are Where Ownership Culture Gets Built
Your 1:1s are one of the most strategic parts of your leadership practice. They’re where trust gets built, where coaching happens, where you delegate authority, and where you surface and resolve conflicts early.
In other words, they’re where you either build a culture of ownership or reinforce a culture of dependency.
The good news: you don’t need a complete overhaul. You just need to be more intentional about how you show up, what you ask, and who’s leading the conversation.
Start with the shifts I’ve outlined here. Build from there. And watch your team start taking more ownership — not just in their 1:1s, but in their work.
Ready to transform your 1:1s?
Download the Leader’s Guide for More Powerful 1:1s. It includes a rolling agenda template and accountability tracker you can start using this week.
And if you want to go deeper, transforming your 1:1s is part of the larger framework in my Creating a Culture of Ownership Program, where we cover trust, coaching, delegation, and conflict management in detail. It’s designed for leaders who are ready to stop controlling and start developing.